Why he asked me out

Believe it or not girls, some of these eligible bachelors are just as insecure and unsure as you are. If you are worried your secret interest might be fearful, the best thing you can do for him is pray. Ask God to give him strength and courage, pray for his heart, soul, mind and strength. I think the biggest favor we can do for ourselves as women is to stop blaming his lack of pursuit on ourselves.

I applaud those men, because at the end of the day a healthy relationship begins with two people who have done some good solid work on themselves. Those who are willing to put the work in up front will have so much less work to do when they are united with another in holy matrimony. Take that as a sign and instead of waiting around obsessing over his next move, use your time to reflect on your personal journey.

What areas of your life need some focus? Some healing? Some work? What goals should you be working toward? Because they find you attractive and want to have sex with you ; and 2. Sure we appreciate a woman who can make us laugh.

We enjoy lively, provocative, stimulating conversation. And we like to bask in the glow of your energy, vivaciousness and femininity. But mostly we want to get you naked ASAP and feel your warm flesh pressed against us.

Absolutely…but in a biblical way. Now before you start angrily heaving all things great and small in my direction, let me clarify one important point: Sex drives us to ask you out, and is the primary goal of our encounter. But it is not the only reason we continue going out with you once we have known you in an intimate way.

After we have experienced the sexual side of you, we start to appreciate your many other attributes for the first time. Your great smile, your cute laugh, your bubbly personality, your sparkling wit are now suddenly, almost magically more apparent.

He reached out to you when it was not doing well, and he returned to it for whatever reason - probably "trying to make things work. It's also possible that he thought you were too lukewarm toward him, but I see more of the first possibility. The timing of stopping texts when he was on a trip speaks volumes, especially since you initiated your last set of text exchanges, and he proclaims that he's shy he would understand you not wanting to come off too strong. I would suggest steering clear of any deep personal conversation when you leave unless he brings it up, and if he does, be receptive but cool.

Don't ask to be friends. He's clearly not a very good friend. He knows how to reach you, and if "work" was really the issue, he'd likely have started texting again when he knew he would be leaving. Great article. I've been confused a lot lately about the interest level a certain guy has for me.

Let me start off by saying we are co-workers although we do not work together on any projects He joined two years after I did and we started out with casual conversation and then I noticed that he made it a point to stop by my desk every day to chat about nothing in particular.

It became obvious to others that he was spending a lot of time at my desk and I got wind of some rumors around the office. However he never asked me out or flirted. It was always casual but the conversation was great.

We have a lot of common interests. Quite honestly I was not initially attracted to him but as I got to know him, he became very attractive.

He finally asked me to drinks after a few months but it was very casual. We did this a few times and had a great time, great conversation but it was never dinner I started to get frustrated because this dragged on for months and I couldn't tell where his mind was at. We started texting each other a lot but it was always fun and clean. After about 5 months of this, he finally asked me to dinner at his place and it was really nice.

He cooked, we chatted and there was some make out. Actually he repeated that a few times randomly and said that he wanted to impress me. I asked him over to my place the next week for dinner and we had more of the same. Somewhere in the middle of kissing he said he liked me and I was caught off guard and didn't know what to say so I played it off. We talked about doing something the following week.

He had to travel for the work the next day so I texted him to see if he had a good trip over He came back to work the next week and we saw each other at work but he never texted and neither did I. I guess I was waiting for him to plan our next date or suggest we go out. Sort of left the ball in his court after dinner at my place. There was no texting and barely any talking at work for a month and then he called me up and said he wanted to meet and so we did.

He basically said that our time together was fun but it was hard because we worked together. I agreed with him because this concerned me too but in a way I thought we were past that because of the months of talking and texting. I was upset that he waited a month to tell me what was on his mind.

Anyway, we sort of agreed to keep things casual and friendly. He is just starting out his career while I have been working on mine for a while now and a bit more settled.

He came to a house party of mine a few months later and was nice to all my friends, said I looked pretty confusing to me and then a few months after that at the end of a work function he gave me a long hug as I was leaving which left me even more confused. Its been a year now and I think we are no longer friends. I think the relationship took its course but I still miss his company and wonder if we were too caught up in work and missed our chance.

Anyway, I will be leaving my work place soon and I just don't know how to handle the farewell. Do I bring up the awkward "breakup"?. Tell him I liked him too even thought I didn't say it when he did?..

Suggest we try being friends again? Or maybe he was just never really interested in me? Thanks for the advice. You're welcome. One thing I should mention Men rarely think of hanging out as a date, so I learned to pay close attention to these words, both using and hearing them. Haha yeah, I wouldn't call the time we spent together as 'dates' either. I looked at it as hanging out with friends.

I think that's a great idea to ask what he's looking for in a relationship if we're both interested in each other, although at this point my interest level is definitely not the same as it was 2 months ago.

I have thought that he'd probably see if I was available if he did break up with his gf, just because there WAS an interest there, even though it was short lived. But I am definitely following your advice and thanks for trying to make sense of my situation! I agree with everything you've said. Thanks again :. Gotta hate when things like this happen, but it's pretty common for things to fall apart just when they seem to be heating up!

Remember that you only had a couple of dates with each other, if you can even call them dates - since they weren't exactly planned for the two of you to spend time together to get to know each other better. In his mind, he probably wasn't thinking that he was "dating you" and he certainly wouldn't have seen you as his girlfriend.

And then I think that he was mildly interested in you, but not hot, Hot, HOT for you. He met someone he thought would provide a lot of what he's looking for - and he didn't owe you an explanation because you weren't yet dating.

If new girl doesn't work out for him, he'll likely come sniffing around again to see if you're still available, but I'm glad you've moved on. If the time comes that you're both available and interested, asking him what he's looking for in a relationship would be a good start, and after a couple months, it wouldn't be a bad idea to casually ask if he thinks you have the traits he wanted.

I'd like to know your take on this situation, and I'll try to keep it as short as possible. The guy I like or used to like, still on the fence about it , is my best friend's boyfriend's friend.

We met in a group setting with a bunch of other people about 2 months ago. Initially, I didn't think he was cute, thought he was a nerd, and wasn't interested in him at all until the end of the night when I found out we actually had some things in common.

My interest grew when I saw him a week after that, and this time the group setting was smaller and more intimate because it was only me, him, my friend, her sister, and her boyfriend. I found out then that we had even MORE things in common, which was actually scary because everything I liked he seemed to like to, we both had similar life experiences, and we spent the majority of the night talking to each other easily and joking around and being geeks.

For only meeting twice at that point, he was disclosing some pretty private things about himself which I thought was kind of weird i. About 2 weeks later I went clubbing with him, my friend, her bf, and some other mutual friends and this is where things get interesting and where he showed signs of being flirty. I ordered a drink but couldn't finish it so he said he would, so I handed him my drink but he just pointed at the drink as in saying 'drink it with me.

We then started dancing with each other after we danced with other people, and he danced with me completely different from my other friends. They grinded with him whereas me and him slow danced. He held out his hand for me to link with his and then he squeezed my hand which I wasn't expecting, so I squeezed it back and we kept squeezing it back and forth and smiling while I was leaning on him.

He also moved his hand from my waist to my butt lol but he didn't really do anything after that. We left the room to get water, I told him we should hang out sometime, he agreed and asked when I was free, I told him when and we tentatively decided on a weekend. I also asked him for his number. Leaving the club, my friend said I looked cold and he offered his jacket right away. Even when I tried to give it back to him he insisted I keep it on to warm up.

And that was the end of that night. After that we texted a bit, nothing flirty. I always initiated it but he always kept the conversation going. I only texted him first 3 times. I stopped texting because I didn't have much to say and I really was only texting him to plan a time we could hang out. When I offered 2 dates to hang out he said he was busy which he was.

So once I stopped initiating the texts he never texted me. I didn't see him again until a month later at my friend's house and he was paying a little bit more attention to me than the other girls that were there, and there was some tension between us. In December, I found out he was dating some girl he met online.

I was confused because I thought he was somewhat interested in me too when we went clubbing. But the thing is we never talked about that night at all. And it's weird because I'm going to keep seeing him in groups and I can't shake off the feeling that something else might happen. I'm not sure what to make of this. Why did he act interested and then nothing? I've pretty much moved on but it's been bugging me.

And I know he wasn't seeing anyone before we went clubbing. Should I talk to him about it, move on completely? Thanks for your help, sorry this was longer than anticipated! Just do not let yourself move from being interested to being committed without making SURE he's there, too. I haven't because I feel like that can only imply interest, and I want to keep him as a friend if he's not interested in me. I would say to be cautious. I'm not seeing signals that he's interested in being exclusive with you.

The biggest "red flag" of all is that other women are calling him regularly. Yes, it's nice that he doesn't answer, but but he's not exactly telling them to back off, either, since they're still calling.

My guess is he's treating others with the same courtesy and kindnesses that you are seeing. If you're dating, that's wonderful. If you aren't, there's nothing wrong with asking him if he'd like to. Be careful if you do, though, and make sure that his relationship goals are the same as yours - especially before you start acting committed when he's not as committed as you are.

I say I'd like to be in a relationship but its hard giving up being single he agreed then said but its nice to be with someone and I agreed. Doesn't pick up phone in car when a woman is persistently calling him non stop one after other in front of me. Makes reference to my colour of clothes and nails and knee boots like 'we're matching' or compliments me.

Others catch him looking at me when I'm busy and apparently each time he walks through the door he looks straight over at my desk and looks around. I am 33 he is 47 and we only work there half the week plus I am leaving in the summer. Although he is very laid back he is a very senior person. Does he seem interested? I really like this man and started to care about him he's such a caring lovely man and well known at work for being so nice.

I really don't want to be pushy and want him to lead but he also seems shy and like he's trying when he stops me for conversations when were alone. I met a guy a few months ago who I instantly connected with. We became friends very quickly, and he soon started walking with me in between classes. Shortly after we started talking more in person, he messaged me on Facebook and, from his profile, I suspect he has a girlfriend.

We messaged intermittently on Facebook for a couple months and he started to spend some time with me in between classes. He is flirtatious toward me and has never mentioned a girlfriend. We laugh a lot when we're together, and have a lot in common. Unfortunately, I started to fall for him. He continued to message me over the last few weeks, but then last week, he mysteriously stopped and never responded to the last message I sent.

This guy confuses me. I just checked the link and it's working, so perhaps it isn't pasting the entire link. I'll paste it again, and if it doesn't work for you this time, you can find it by looking at my profile for an article about the Top 3 Mistakes Women Make in Relationships. Please let me know if it doesn't work again, and I will ask the HubPages team to fix the problem. Smart choice, Nora! We should all hold out for someone that ACTS like they love us, shouldn't we?

Yeah you understood me. I thought that it was my fault and not his. He has another girl now and he messaged me twice to get back with him and i said no.

Thanks :. I am not sure I entirely understand your story, Nora. It's quite complicated, and I think perhaps English is a second language for you. Some of this was confusing to me. I think you have said that you're missing a relationship that ended a year ago, and you provided a lot of details about it.

Is that correct? It has been a year, and he isn't trying to be with you. So that is the bad news - he is not interested in being with you.

But there is good news, too. The good news is that you do not need him to feel good about you. You think you do, but I promise you that you will feel very different if you can find a counselor who can help you work on just two things: 1.

Self esteem 2. Hi Kim. I can see why you'd be confused! He is definitely sending mixed messages. One message is "I'm interested, I care, and there's sexual tension between us" and the other is "But I won't act on it and I'm pushing you away. You're making some mistakes that are very common for us women to make! When I was going through some situations that had me feeling sort of like you're feeling - shortchanged, so to speak - I couldn't help but wonder why I never really saw men I dated feeling the same way.

They didn't have those same doubts and feelings of being let down by partners, and in fact, experienced the opposite.

They found partners who stuck by them even when they acted like jerks. Guys who DID have experiences like me had a different personality altogether. They were the clingier, more dependent "nice guys. What are your standards and goals? Do you want a man in your life who is not willing to commit to you completely?

If the answer is "no," then stop responding to this guy's texts and calls. He isn't the right guy for you. You are his "Ms. Someday if everything else collapses. Besides the article I linked above, I have a couple of others that may interest you, too. Please browse my profile page if you'd like to see what else is available. This probably going to be long.

But here it goes. I am 42yrs old. I was in a 24yr relationship with a man since I was Finally got away and was in my own for approx 3 yrs. Then decided to date. Went in about one night dates, I chemistry. Then thought I met Mr right So I took a break from dating again, but I have this male friend who from the first time he talked to me, I knew he just wanted sex. I told him he might as well keep moving because he's not going to get it here. But he still talked to me. And I mean for hours in end.

At this point I have been to his house as a friend only and talk and texting. Then he said to me that he wanted to try to get back with his ex wife.

Which I thought was good because I told him he was still in love with her. But he said he wouldn't be able to talk to me anymore. I was like I don't understand why not we are just friends. He said she wouldn't understand me. He said that if he needed to get a hold of me he knew how. So at that point after being hurt by the guy that I thought loved me, I told him to go ahead and delete my pics and loose my number while he was at it.

That said, if you sit around waiting for him, you may never know. If so, how serious are they? Because I totally dig him. This is a great way to find out what the heck is going on. Ask him if he has his eye on anyone in particular. Maybe this means he likes you but is just scared. This approach can also serve to show him your interest.

Pay attention to how he responds in this situation.